My WhatsApp profile status says, “Resist the temptation to stress me” and Lord knows I mean every word. This is because I get tired of things easily, especially when some form of stress enters. I’m ‘stressophobic.’ I think this is the reason why I could relate with my brother from another mother, Jon Snow, when he kept saying “I don’t want it.” Like, if it’s going to stress me, please I don’t want it. But I can’t completely say this is a bad habit because it sorta solves another problem I grew up with.
I grew up being quick to commit to things, primarily because I didn’t know how to say no. I’m too considerate of other people’s feelings especially if it’s someone close. I just jump on it then get stuck along the line, having to drag myself through it for the sake of the relationship. As a result, I had learnt to tolerate a lot of crap. But I guess I reached my breaking point some months ago. Too many things happening at the same time and I lost it. I lost my ‘ability to can.’ I didn’t have it in me to take on as much as I was capable of taking on before. So I began to opt out of and give up on things, commitments and whatnot. Heck, I even directly or indirectly told God I wasn’t doing again. Having faith became stressful. And that wasn’t the first time anyway, it was worse in 2017. But thank God He’s not quick to and doesn’t give up on His loved ones like this guy that’s writing this. He keeps pulling me back.
Now I’m trying to change. To trust the process of things,no matter how stressful the process seems and despite the microwave generation I live in. To be consistent with staying on the things I need to stay on. To give myself a chance with really living again and not giving up so easily.
Pray for me, please.
Your retired giver-upper,